


Get a Room!

by Lmj21



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: 5 Times, Babies, Canon Compliant, Confident Cullen, Cute, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Humour, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Pranks, The Winter Palace, Wicked Grace, kinkmeme prompt, pdas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 07:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3802339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lmj21/pseuds/Lmj21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for this kinkmeme prompt:<br/>"Sera is thoroughly disgusted by how cute Cullen and the Inquisitor are together. Hilarity ensues. (5 times format, perhaps?)</p><p>+ even handholding is too much for her<br/>+ she heckles them when they're having a "moment" <br/>+ Cullen uses this to his advantage to a) get revenge for his desk; b) get some alone time with Quizzy by chasing Sera away; c) for his amusement. <br/>++++ humour and banter<br/>+ default Trevelyan name"</p><p>Think I fulfilled this - although couldn't resist a happy ending :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get a Room!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed it - kudos/comments are really appreciated.  
> Plus any feedback, love to hear it!

1 - At the Winter Palace  
“May I have this dance, My Lady?” Cullen dropped into a courteous bow in front of her; she tried not to smile too readily.

“I thought you didn’t dance.” She replied with a provocative raised eyebrow.

“For you, I’ll try.” 

Cullen had made a few awkward steps before they heard someone snort behind them.

“Call that trying?”

Sera was giggling stupidly; she’d clearly eaten far too many sugared cakes. Dorian had warned the Inquisitor frequently enough not to let “that damn elf have any sugar!” and yet here she was stomping all over their first dance. Brilliant. The Inquisitor was crestfallen, looking to her handsome beau expecting him to have retreated into his bashful persona, she was surprised to find him grinning at Sera almost like a bemused parent.

“Would you care to demonstrate, Sera?” Cullen offered her the same bow and outstretched hand he’d offered the Inquisitor moments earlier. Sera balked at the offer:

“Yeah, sure, I’ll show you a jig alright. Only, you can’t dance it with that stick up your arse, Commander.”

“Pity. I’ll have to carry on as I am then.” Cullen stole a flirty glance at the Inquisitor as he slipped his arm around her waist. 

Sera laughed for a moment, enjoying their easy banter before she noticed the couple’s stance; and the heated way they looked at each other; and how Cullen’s hand….

“Eurgh! You know, this is a decent party for People. So show Quizzy a little bit of respect and take your hand off ‘er!” Sera shouted, outraged and confused.

“Thanks for your concern Sera, but really this is exactly how I’d liked to be rewarded for our efforts tonight.” The Inquisitor leaned against Cullen’s strong chest, wrapping her arm over his to emphasise her words.

“What? You…and Commander Prissy Pants? You two…together...eurgh!” She made a sick noise for the second time, shaking her head at their overt display of affection.

Sera stormed back inside, passing Varric who was heading out to the balcony. Sera grabbed his shoulder with a warning:  
“Don’t go out there Varric, it’s bloody disgusting!”

“I’ve seen dead bodies before, Buttercup.” Said Varric, assuming there was still considerable devastation from the failed assassination.

“These ones aren’t dead, but they will be soon if I catch ‘em like that again!”

Well now Varric simply had to go and look, any inspiration…

2 - On the Battlements

Sera and the Inquisitor were lounging on the battlements enjoying (or trying to enjoy) the latest batch of cookies. The Inquisitor bit her lip shyly, she desperately wanted her friend’s approval of her choice of…lover, partner…she didn’t know what to call Cullen now but it made her cheeks glow thinking about it.

“Sera, what do you think of the people who’ve gathered.”

“Which? The ones who do things or the ones who give orders?”

“You know who.”

“Nope. Not messing with Leliana, she’s pretty but…wow, bards yeah? Now Josephine, she’s as good at humbling her kind as I am – just with less mess. Knows her business.”

The Inquisitor sighed, frustrated, Sera knew what who she really wanted to discuss and was deliberately stalling. 

Eventually Sera giggled and gave her a little nudge in her ribs.

“And your Cullen-Wullen, Cully-Wully. Lots of men under him, needs a strong woman over him. Cos’ …positions.”

“Well actually…” The Inquisitor leaned in to confide in Sera who immediately leaned away.

“No, save it, I don’t want that image in my head thank you very much.”

“You started it…positions!” They were both nudging each other childishly now, precariously close to toppling from the wall.

“Are you discussing military tactics?” Cullen said as he approached, the knowing glimmer in his eye suggested that he knew that they weren’t.

“Tactics? Yeah, like the best way to break you out of your shell.” Sera said.

“That’s not so difficult.” Cullen said, eyes flitting to the Inquisitor’s. He offered her his hand to help her stand, once on her feet she kept her hand firmly in his enjoying the heat. For a moment he frowned, worried about being seen publicly in this early stage of their tentative relationship.

From her place on the floor, Sera scowled up at them:  
“Oh right, leave me flat on my bum – no manners.” She pushed herself up, refusing the hand Cullen offered too late: “Er, no ta. I know where that’s been.”

Cullen looked at the Inquisitor sharply, hoping she hadn’t been sharing their intimacies with Sera. It was clear from her expression that Sera’s words had been nothing more than a jibe but now the three of them were looking awkwardly between them an unspoken secret unravelling.

Sera quickly caught on and rolled her eyes at the truth of her thoughtless dig.

“Gross. And that’s his sword arm so go easy yeah. It’s not just you that needs him in top shape.” She punched the Inquisitor’s arm a little harder than a friendly tap.

“Oh, really? I didn’t think I was your type.” Cullen joined in, seeking to lighten the mood.

“I was talking about saving the world you noodlehead! Guess you’ve forgotten that with all this carrying on.” She gestured vaguely at the couple.

“I hadn’t forgotten; I can multi-task.”

“Indeed you can.” The Inquisitor leant into him. Sera swiped at her friend, Cullen’s arm quickly intercepting. Sera shook her head, threatening him:

“You know, one of these days I’m going to tattoo you - a target, right on your…”

“You’d have to get through the armour first.”

“I’ll come at you in the night.”

“What if I sleep in my armour?”

“I’ll bring a tin opener.” Sera shrugged.

“Not sure you’d enjoy that.” Cullen smirked in return.

“That reminds me…” The Inquisitor leant in to whisper something positively filthy in Cullen’s ear that may, or may not, have involved the aforementioned tin opener. He laughed as he slid his arms around her waist, his earlier concerns about privacy long abandoned as the joy of being with her overtook his better sense.

They were dimly aware that Sera had plodded away and their closeness was intoxicating. Cullen’s face seemed to cloud with indecision, he wanted to, needed to, taste her lips but they were stood right on the battlements…

“If you need to…” The Inquisitor began before she felt her lips claimed by his hot mouth. The kiss was messy and cautious, little flashes of tongue inviting her to reciprocate which she did with a greedy moan. Just as the Inquisitor began to sink deeper into the kiss, she felt a jolt and they parted for breath. Cullen was rubbing his head, frowning in confusion.

“Could you at least wait until I’m out of earshot? All that slurping’s putting me off my grub!” Sera shouted back in their direction.

“I think she threw a biscuit at me!” Cullen said, still rubbing the area she’d hit with her crumbly missile.

 

3 -The Roof

Sera was determined to follow through on her threat to tattoo the infuriating Commander. If only to remind him his soldiers that he was one of them. It would do the starchy man some good. Yeah, that was it, she was almost doing him a favour.

Under the cover of darkness (and the courage of Aqua Magus) Sera crept along the broken roof of Cullen’s tower, her tongue poking out her mouth in concentration. She dropped into a crouch, inching closer to the broken gap in the Commander’s roof. As she approached she squinted over the edge of the hole, adjusting her eyes to the dark.  
Perfect, she thought, as she made out the shape of his bare back, pale against the gloom. What was he doing? She thought it looked like he’d wrapped his arms around himself like teenagers do when they’re pretending to…

“Oh, Cullen…”

Shit, she gulped. That wasn’t his voice. Quickly realising that he wasn’t pretending like teenagers do because…why would he. Her frown deepened into a snarl as she yelled:

“Get a Room!”

Cullen and the Inquisitor quickly jolted apart, scrabbling to cover themselves with the blanket. Their eyes spotted her scruffy head above them, Cullen sighed before shouting back:

“Sera, this is my room!” 

“Duh – a proper room, with a roof. It’s like you want me to see you – perverts!” 

The Inquisitor’s mouth fell open, amazed at her friend’s audacity but Cullen put an arm out to still her. He quickly winked at her as he sat up, turning his face so only the Inquisitor could see, before sitting up and moving as if he was going to get out of bed, he adopted a serious tone, speaking loudly for Sera’s benefit:

“You’re right, I should probably get that fixed.”

The threat of him jumping out of bed naked was enough to send Sera running:

“Urgh, I don’t want to see that!” 

The couple heard a squeal as the scruffy headed intruder disappeared from view. Cullen relaxed back into the bed, chuckling. The Inquisitor wrapped her arms around him:

“I, on the other hand, very much want to see everything.”

“Again?” Cullen asked mock-scandalised as he rolled over her, biting her neck making her squeal loudly enough to make Sera blush scarlet as she scampered away from their roof not quite quickly enough to miss some unmistakable sounds. It was nights like this that she felt grateful she lived in a tavern, though she feared there was not enough drink in Thedas to make her forget.

4- Wicked Grace night.

“General Uptight’s going all in. What a numpty!” Sera laughed as more coins jangled to the table.

Sera had arrived late to the game and was seemingly happy to act more as a commentator than a competitor. Although her focus on undermining Cullen hadn’t gone unnoticed by the Inquisitor who winked at him in consolation as she saw his face set into an irritated expression. She needn’t have worried; he was not in the least bit bothered by Sera’s needling, he was trying (and failing) to create the perfect enigmatic demeanour that would fool his companions.

“Fine, dealer starts…” Josephine began.

*******  
As round after round settled in Josephine’s favour, Cullen’s body was slowly revealed to the group.

The teasingly slow disrobing elicited a series of reactions from the group from outright eyebanging to excrutiating embarrassment. Cassandra threatened to leave the table on several occasions, although she mysteriously stayed in her seat despite her extremely vocal complaints.

The Inquisitor looked on with a satisfied grin – it was like slowly unwrapping a delicious present. A present that was all hers. 

“Uh, hello?” Sera demanded her attention “When you’ve stopped inspecting the troops do you reckon you can get your head back in the game. There’s serious money at stake here!” 

“Oh there’s far more important things than money at stake.” The Inquisitor replied, barely taking her eyes from the Commander, now shirtless and practically glowing in the diminishing candlelight.

“Quite right.” Dorian joined “This little exhibition is priceless.”

“That’s it – I’m out.” Cullen declared, tossing his cards on the table in defeat.

“And you know the forfeit?” Iron Bull goaded, pleased he’d not been put in Cullen’s position; it would have been a very short game. 

To further wolf whistles and groans, Cullen stood and carefully unbuckled his belt before unlacing his trousers and rolling them down his thighs. The collective noises diminished somewhat as they realised in their drunken haze that Commander Cullen now stood before them in his pants.

The Inquisitor looked disgustingly smug.

“And…?” Josephine prompted.

“Maker, no!” Cullen objected.

“You’re right, not yet. I was referring to the garment just removed.” She gestured to his trousers still bundled in his hand.

“Ooh, me, me, me!” Sera begged reaching out with grabby hands. He handed them over with a grimace sure that no good could come from handing her his trousers.

The Inquisitor laughed and reached her hand across the table to hold his, as Cullen sat back down.

“Oi, that’s enough!” Sera protested.

“Not nearly enough I’d say.” Dorian quipped.

“I swear I will…” Sera turned on him.

“Bees. I know. It’s always bees.” Dorian sighed. Sera pouted, just staring at Cullen and the Inquisitor’s hands still intertwined between them as drinks were drunk and more stakes raised. With the rest of the group distracted, the Inquisitor began rubbing her foot up Cullen’s bare leg.

“Right, you two are making me want to heave. And there’s only one thing to do when you want to heave. Drink until you don’t want to anymore.” As she was philosophising Sera moved from her place to steal another bottle from behind the bar before slumping down to the floor, unable to find her seat. 

As Josephine began collecting her winnings, Cullen’s eyes narrowed on her.

“One more round. I’ve figured out your tells, Lady Ambassador.”

“A lady has no tells, Commander” Josephine’s hand flew to her chest in mock offence.

“Oh shit, are you really going to bet your pants on this? I know I said you needed a hobby, Curly, but this is taking it way too far.” Varric warned.

“Deal me in.” Cullen said, staring straight at Josephine. The rest of the group now fixed with rapt attention.

******  
Sera was roused from sleep by several fists thudding on the table and a loud roar.

“Don’t say a word dwarf” was muttered above her by a recognisable voice.

Sera blinkingly took in her surroundings, her vision blurry and spinning. Amongst the dark tangle of legs, a pale pair made her do a double take. She squinted and then almost gagged at the sight. She turned away muttering:

“Eurgh, that’s why it’s called ‘Wicked Grace’ I guess. ‘Cept there’s nothing graceful about that.”

5 The Desk

“Oi, Cully-Wully?!” Sera called out as she entered the Commander’s office, a slice of honey cake wrapped in her hands. She hadn’t decided yet whether she’d be giving it to him as a peace offering – it depended entirely on how pissed off he was about his desk. Yeah, that was the real reason she’d found the excuse to come here, she really wanted to see him look thoroughly pissed off; he was becoming frustratingly difficult to wind up these days. Smug git.

“Wait a moment.” He called down from up the ladder, the memory of what she’d seen in that room made her shudder for a moment. Then he was quickly making his way down the ladder striding confidently to his chair behind his desk.

His desk that she’d tampered with. He sat down heavily resting his arms on the surface and it creaked. His mouth twitched a little and she smirked.

“What can I do for you?” He said pleasantly. His words undercut by the squeaking of the wood.

“Oh aren’t we all business today?” Sera deflected his question. She really wanted to drag this out.

“Sera, it may surprise you to know that most people come to my office on business.” Again the squeaking undermined any authority he was attempting to channel into his voice.

“Most, but not all, eh? Unless you mean business.” She exaggerated the word ‘business’ as if it were innuendo but Cullen simply looked puzzled. Puzzled and distracted as the damned desk continued to groan.

“Is this about that march?”

“Errr, yeah that’s the one.” Sera quickly lied, as Cullen laid out a fresh sheet of paper and began to write. The rhythm of his quill on the paper made the creaking repetitive to the point where Sera began blurting out little laughs, she quickly brought her hand to her mouth to stifle it and remembered the cake. Cullen stopped writing for a moment and raised an eyebrow at her.

“Oh yeah, and I thought you might be hungry.” She stepped forward handing him the cake which he took with a smile before continuing his letter at her request.

She watched with increasingly shaking shoulders as his quill worked in flourishes making the desk groan and creak more jerkily and more heavily until the rhythmic thudding became oddly obscene. Then she became suspicious of Cullen’s actions: why was he leaning so heavily on the paper? She hopped onto the edge of the desk causing it to make a loud rasp. She flinched for a second:

“Oops! Hope I didn’t break it.” She said cheekily.

Cullen quickly held her gaze and replied with an equally cheeky voice:

“Oh, it’s sturdy.”

She froze, mouth open - the game was up.

“Hey, that’s not fair!” She poked a finger toward his face as she jumped off his desk not caring at all for the loud noise it made this time, Cullen apparently had learnt how to keep a straight face since his recent defeat at the card table and didn’t flinch from her glare as he replied:

“I’m just writing a letter Sera, what’s the problem?”

The Inquisitor chose exactly this moment to try to steal surreptitiously down Cullen’s ladder. Sera swirled around immediately:

“What were you doing up there? It’s the middle of the day…oh no, not now. What is wrong with you two? You’re like nugs in spring!”

“We had to go up there; you broke his bloody desk!” The Inquisitor replied. Cullen began to laugh, delighted at how the whole scene was playing out.

“Oh, nice one, some partner in crime you are!” Sera left shaking her head, Cullen calling after her as he pulled the Inquisitor into his lap:

“Thank you for the cake.”

6 Two Seras

Cries of pain had filed the corridors of Skyhold for the best part of the night as well as the day before. Footsteps anxiously padded outside the Inquisitor’s quarters as each of her friends and companions took turns to stand vigil. Only Sera had stayed put for almost twenty four hours straight; she would not abandon her post.

Eventually the cries were taken over by higher pitched wailing and the companions looked to each other in delighted comprehension. Vivienne emerged with a wide grin across her face.

“Can we see her?” Sera asked immediately, her concern for the Inquisitor etched across her face.

“Of course, my dear, they’re very eager for you to meet her.”

“Her? So…?” Sera was bounding two steps at a time as she realised what Vivienne was telling her until she bounded into the bedchamber.

Cullen and the Inquisitor sat propped on the pillows, both red faced and dazed – eyes focused on the tiny bundle nestled in their arms. For once it didn’t occur to Sera to flinch at the obvious intimacy before her. Instead she found herself hypnotised by the quiet tenderness until she was sitting carefully at the foot of the bed.

“So that’s…her.” Sera gaped.

“Hmmm.” The Inquisitor hummed in the affirmative unable to peel her eyes away from her precious daughter.

“But she’s tiny – and you were huge! I mean really huge, you were like a druffalo!” Sera demonstrated the size with her hands, ballooning her face in mimicry.

“A very beautiful druffalo.” Cullen added, kissing the new mother’s cheek with gentle awe. Sera fought the impulse to stick her fingers down her throat.

“What are you calling her then? I bet she’s going to have fancy titles – Lady Babyface-Whatsitschops Trevelyan of the…”

“You’re right, she will be a Lady. But her full name will be Lady Sera Trevelyan-Rutherford…Or Rutherford-Trevelyan, we haven’t really, umm, discussed.” Cullen was muttering now, embarrassed that he hadn’t thought of raising the matter sooner. The Inquisitor kissed him to quiet his stuttering nerves.

While they were distracted they hadn’t noticed Sera blinking, mouth open, for once speechless.

“You’re really…Oh wow, you’re not pulling my other one are you?” She managed to stammer out eventually.

“No, that’s more your style.” The Inquisitor said.

“So there’s going to be another Sera?” Sera asked, nose crinkling in delight.

“Another Sera.” Cullen nodded, almost unable to believe the words as he spoke them. The second Sera began wriggling against her parents’ arms, grizzling at the confinement. The Inquisitor shushed her consolingly but the baby was awake and eager for stimulus.

“Well, thanks, that’s really…special.” Sera’s voice quieter than either of the new parents had ever heard it before, so overwhelmed by the gesture. The Inquisitor supported their words by handing their wriggly daughter to Sera for a cuddle. 

“It is. Well you’re special to us so…”

“Really?” Sera gulped, she’d never really had a family before. 

“After all, you may have been instrumental in her creation. If you hadn’t sabotaged the desk, we may have never tried…” 

“That’s enough. Shit, don’t spoil the moment you crude nitwit.” Sera laughed, relieved to be saved from the emotion that was threatening to overwhelm her.

“This truly is a remarkable day: first this little one, and now Sera being the one to lecture us on propriety.” Cullen said, his face radiant with happiness and pride. 

“Are you crying?” The Inquisitor asked, looking at Sera’s quiet face. 

“What?! I’m not a bloody golem!” Sera sniffed loudly, wiping her nose with the back of sleeve. Baby Sera took one of her namesake’s fingers in her own chubby little fist and gripped. “Good strong little fingers; she’ll be a great archer one day. Follow in your Auntie Sera’s footsteps.”

“Hopefully not in all her ways.” Cullen added with a chuckle, suddenly the nights of card games and rooftop adventures seemed years and years in the past; a past in which he could have never foreseen such bliss. 

Cullen wrapped his arm protectively around the woman who’d brought him this joy and buried his head in her hair. He’d be happy never to leave this room, this moment, again. The couple smiled and kissed, sharing their pride for what they’d forged together.

“Oh yeah, think I find you two embarrassing? That’s nothing compared to what this poor kid’s gonna feel when she sees her mummy and daddy canoodling! It’s alright Lil’Sera you stick with me.”

They looked at each other and kissed again, and for once Sera didn’t stick her tongue out or throw anything. She couldn’t, she had her arms full with the little bundle who’d stolen her name and her heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Too cute? Nah!  
> Kind of ran away with the idea that Cullen and the Inquisitor indulge Sera like she's a naughty kid.


End file.
